Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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