New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
false alarm, still single
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
