The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
