Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
