Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
