Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
