so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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