i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
