Don't make out with my wife yet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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