but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
