This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
