oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
