I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
