Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My life is pants optional.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
