you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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