Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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