Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
