I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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