AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
