Farmville is her only friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you will always have a special place in my vag
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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