Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
