Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
