we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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