We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
