He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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