theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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