I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
