you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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