Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
