are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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