you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
