Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
