so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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