Soap is not a condiment
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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