I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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