I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
