I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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