brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Me too!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
