new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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