I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
