The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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