In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can Purell be used as lube?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
