are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
