apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
