Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
