Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
two words...techno handjob
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
