My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
