on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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