Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
