he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
