i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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