Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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