marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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