i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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