Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
