Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
