if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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