So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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