I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
