Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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