You just made me feel so damn special
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize