I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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