3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
