Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need moral support for this bender
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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