ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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