I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
