i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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