So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
