There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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