Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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