i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
