Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I love you. Go after that dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
