one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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