you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
