I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
