he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
